The pause before the storm

Your heart is beating out of your chest. A million thoughts are racing through your mind. There’s a good chance a whole eternity just passed by and yet here you are just waiting in silence for the other person to speak. You can sense it coming but whether it’s good or bad is still up for debate inside of your head; and oh you better believe your brain is battling it out with itself.

The pause…

I have found that pauses have defined most significant moments in my life. Usually you can kind of sense whether it’s a good thing or a bad thing just by feeding off the other person’s emotions. They say you can actually smell people’s emotions; you just don’t notice an actual scent. (By they, I mean Fact Hive on twitter…total reliable source obviously ;-).

Some pauses are good: My favorite pause being the moment when you’re looking at someone you’ve semi-recently started dating and you realize that you love them and at the same time (hopefully) they are realizing the same thing. There’s that pause where conversation stops, you’re just looking at one another and hoping that maybe just maybe the person you love will say they love you.

Another good pause would be that moment during a job interview where you know you’ve done really well but the interviewer is eyeing you up making the very last decision on whether or not they want you. Then, after what seems like a lifetime, they might extend their hand and say, “Welcome aboard”.

At the same time, many pauses are bad. I found there is a giant pause on the phone before you get bad news. When I was in college several relatives and friends passed away and with each death came another pause. Phone rings. I answer and it’s my dad. There’s brief small talk about whether or not I’m busy but I can sense bad news coming. THE PAUSE. “Kaylene your aunt passed away this afternoon…” There was also that awkward moment my mom was driving me home from school, “Hey Mom, how’s Grandma doing?” Pause. “Oh, I didn’t want to upset you during your final but your grandmother passed away early this morning…” There was a very long pause after that one…almost a three hour pause that took the entire ride home.

On the complete opposite spectrum of relationship pauses there’s the pause before the break-up. Most recently being me sitting on my bed crying to my then boyfriend about how he just doesn’t seem to care and we’re on two totally different pages. I stop to take a breath. “Kaylene…” PAUSE “I think maybe we should take a break.” That pause probably took about .5 of a second but in my head it lasted an hour. Just spit it out already! I know it’s coming!

Pauses come when you feel like your sprinting toward the edge of something; going, going, going then you jump and that split second you’re flying in the air before you start falling is the pause. Maybe I am the only one who finds such significance in a pause but I find it really interesting. Sometimes during the pause I feel like if I can make some sound or say something fast enough the bad news won’t come after all. It’s crazy to think if you can control the pause you can control the situation.

Anyway, those are my strange thoughts…