Moments Captured

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There are moments in time that are so undeniably perfect I don’t even want to blink for fear of missing something or forgetting something. I want to see everything for as long as I can and that one blink might take me away from that moment.

It was dusk in Central Park. It was the perfect temperature just cool enough so you weren’t sweating but warm enough that you didn’t need any extra layers. The sun was streaming through the leaves of the trees making them that perfect bright fresh green to match the Great Lawn. Some places were left in a gray shadow like the deep darkness of the tree trunks where the light couldn’t touch.  It added the perfect touch of mystery as we walked down the main path. The lamps had just come on and people were packing up the last of that day’s leftover merchandise. Most of the tourists had left the park leaving a peaceful silence. I never wanted to leave. The grass and trees actually emitted enough of a fresh smell to overpower the usual unpleasant smell of NYC.

The only noise off in the distance was that of strangers singing and dancing together near the Skate Truck. You could hear the happiness rolling off the drums and see the stress leave bodies of people stamping and clapping. They were a family made up of people who had never met. They had simply come together for the music. A celebration of a lazy Sunday where the problems melted away, at least momentarily.

Of course, eventually the sun would go down and the day would be over. That’s why moments like this are so amazing. You get a glimpse of a peaceful heaven but only for a fleeting moment. It would get darker and cooler and soon the happy people would be heading home to get ready for the reality of Monday morning.

But at least I have that picture in my head to try to remember in those not-so-perfect moments.

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An Ode to My Mother

IMG_0548My mother is the most beautiful person I have ever met. There is not a selfish bone in her body. She is able to turn the worst situation into something positive and constantly strives to make people laugh. Actually, I don’t know that she strives for that; it might just be a natural talent she possesses.

When I think of my mom, I think of a safe place to land, a friend to talk to, someone to look up to. Some people are afraid to turn into their mothers, but I think that if I turned into my mother I would be a better person.

Many people weren’t lucky enough to have the childhood I had. She threw the best homemade birthday parties. You wouldn’t believe the cakes and pinatas this woman would create! My favorite party was probably the carnival games she set up in the backyard complete with tickets and prizes and pieing Granny in the face.

DSCN4030When I had a nightmare she would sit on my bed and we would talk about my favorite rides from Disney World until I fell back asleep. When I was sad she would let me cry all over her shirt. She would always push us to do things she knew we would love. I took dance lessons, my brother tried several different things, and my sister took horseback riding lessons. Everyone else always came first. Mom and Dad never went on extravagant dates or fancy vacations. They made home a fun and interesting environment.

We would have family parades and dance parties. Mom always read to us. I think we made it to the fifth Harry Potter book before we were all way too old and insisted upon reading it ourselves because it was faster than trying to get everyone together at the same time.

As much as I hated it then, she always called the parents before I was allowed to go to a party or a friend’s house. She wanted to make sure someone was home so it would be safe and we wouldn’t get into trouble.  If I didn’t want to go somewhere she would volunteer to be the bad guy so I could say, “Sorry but my awful mother said no.”  IMG_1686

In previous posts I have shared the wonderful BBQs my mom has been throwing these past few years. I’m hoping this year will be a repeat of my birthday party with carnival games but we will see.

 

I have to say that I appreciate my mother more and more every year. We’ve had our ups and downs like any mother/daughter relationship but I am very lucky to have her.

 

The pause before the storm

Your heart is beating out of your chest. A million thoughts are racing through your mind. There’s a good chance a whole eternity just passed by and yet here you are just waiting in silence for the other person to speak. You can sense it coming but whether it’s good or bad is still up for debate inside of your head; and oh you better believe your brain is battling it out with itself.

The pause…

I have found that pauses have defined most significant moments in my life. Usually you can kind of sense whether it’s a good thing or a bad thing just by feeding off the other person’s emotions. They say you can actually smell people’s emotions; you just don’t notice an actual scent. (By they, I mean Fact Hive on twitter…total reliable source obviously ;-).

Some pauses are good: My favorite pause being the moment when you’re looking at someone you’ve semi-recently started dating and you realize that you love them and at the same time (hopefully) they are realizing the same thing. There’s that pause where conversation stops, you’re just looking at one another and hoping that maybe just maybe the person you love will say they love you.

Another good pause would be that moment during a job interview where you know you’ve done really well but the interviewer is eyeing you up making the very last decision on whether or not they want you. Then, after what seems like a lifetime, they might extend their hand and say, “Welcome aboard”.

At the same time, many pauses are bad. I found there is a giant pause on the phone before you get bad news. When I was in college several relatives and friends passed away and with each death came another pause. Phone rings. I answer and it’s my dad. There’s brief small talk about whether or not I’m busy but I can sense bad news coming. THE PAUSE. “Kaylene your aunt passed away this afternoon…” There was also that awkward moment my mom was driving me home from school, “Hey Mom, how’s Grandma doing?” Pause. “Oh, I didn’t want to upset you during your final but your grandmother passed away early this morning…” There was a very long pause after that one…almost a three hour pause that took the entire ride home.

On the complete opposite spectrum of relationship pauses there’s the pause before the break-up. Most recently being me sitting on my bed crying to my then boyfriend about how he just doesn’t seem to care and we’re on two totally different pages. I stop to take a breath. “Kaylene…” PAUSE “I think maybe we should take a break.” That pause probably took about .5 of a second but in my head it lasted an hour. Just spit it out already! I know it’s coming!

Pauses come when you feel like your sprinting toward the edge of something; going, going, going then you jump and that split second you’re flying in the air before you start falling is the pause. Maybe I am the only one who finds such significance in a pause but I find it really interesting. Sometimes during the pause I feel like if I can make some sound or say something fast enough the bad news won’t come after all. It’s crazy to think if you can control the pause you can control the situation.

Anyway, those are my strange thoughts…